Learning to Heal · What you learn
Laying on hands without transferring energy
Please note: the workshops are currently held in German only. I plan to offer workshops in English at a later date. If you would like to learn this and organize a workshop in English yourself, you are welcome to send an inquiry to [email protected].
The exercise the second part of the workshop revolves around. You give nothing, you stay with yourself and are there. Whoever is lying down may say stop at any time.
Learning to Heal · laying on hands
When you lay on hands, you give nothing. You stay with yourself, are there for the other person and watch.
From the outside it looks as if someone is doing something for the person on the couch. It is the opposite. Your focus is more on yourself than on the person lying down. That is exactly what makes it difficult, and that is exactly why you practice it.
What this exercise is about
Most people who lay their hand on someone else for the first time want to help. They want to bring something about, make something go away, send something. That is why I say the same thing before the exercise every time:
Rico’s words
It’s not about you helping, but about you only being there, staying with yourselves, being there for the one who is lying down, and observing. If you do that cleanly, much more will happen than you think. And the focus must always be more on yourselves than on the one who is lying down.
Rico Brunner, Workshop
This is the reverse of what people expect. At the center of your attention is not the other person, but you yourself. Only this way can you be fully there without losing yourself. You touch the body, but you don’t mix your energy with theirs. Physically you may touch; energetically you only look.
How the exercise goes
We don’t start with a person right away. First you lay your hands on an empty couch and practice staying with yourself while doing so. Only then does a person join in. The principle stays the same; only now someone is lying there.
There is a reason the person on the couch checks too. It increases the pressure to stay with yourself. You can keep your eyes open or close them. The eyes don’t see the energy field anyway.
Why your view stays on the whole
Depending on where you place your hand, you perceive different things, sometimes an injured spot too. The temptation to concentrate on exactly that is great. Whoever does so makes the person small, reduced to this one spot. Your attention then enlarges precisely what it rests on. If you stay with yourself and see the person as a whole, the spot is part of it without determining everything.
Wanting to actively do something is the biggest trap here.
Rico’s words
And active doing is like when you’ve cooked and someone comes and says: … I’ll add a bit more salt, a bit of this, that. You ruin the meal.
Rico Brunner, Workshop
What arises between you
When two people meet, they have an effect on each other. That is also the case with laying on hands. Still, it isn’t a transfer.
Rico’s words
When you lay on hands, there is an interaction, because it is an encounter, but they have nothing to do with each other. It’s like when I go outside and the sun warms me; that has nothing to do with the sun.
Rico Brunner, Workshop
What you sense says little
Many people experience something when laying on hands: warmth, coolness, a flowing, tiredness. Little can be read from this. What the person at the couch senses and what the person on the couch senses can be entirely different. Sometimes my hands are burning hot, and whoever is lying down feels them as cool. Sometimes I think hardly anything happened, and the other person experiences it quite differently.
That is why you don’t link your sensation to what is happening in the other person. Observe without judging. If you notice that sensing has pulled you out of yourself, you simply return to yourself.
The rules of touch
The hands rest on places that are comfortable for everyone: on the forehead, on the crown of the head, on the belly, on the knees, on the feet. The arms are also possible. You leave out the chest area, with everyone.
When you change the spot, you always leave one hand on the body. That way, whoever is lying with their eyes closed knows where you are at all times. If you take both hands away and suddenly appear at the feet, they get a fright. With one hand on the body, trust develops.
The most important rule applies to both sides:
Rico’s words
What’s important: if someone is lying down and feels uncomfortable, then they may simply say stop and sit up. Nobody has to work with someone they don’t want to. We don’t have to take that personally either. And nobody has to do anything they don’t want to.
Rico Brunner, Workshop
We are all adults and can say what we want. And the exercise may also be fun.
How long the hand rests
There is no fixed duration. Sometimes it is five minutes, sometimes twenty. Whoever always lays on hands for the same length of time with everyone will overwhelm some people. A very nervous person may want to be let go after just one minute. Then you stop earlier. Many expect half an hour. What matters isn’t the time, but what the person on the couch can take in right now.
What I do myself
Even after so many years, every time I lay on hands I make an effort to stay with myself. I don’t do it with the attitude “I can do this.” Afterwards I ask myself every time whether I really stayed with myself. This small check has proven very worthwhile for me, and I recommend it to you as well.
I learned the most in the years when I only observed. Whoever has the courage to observe instead of acting understands more.
Who this exercise gives something to
Whoever has little ground under their feet right now learns at the couch that they don’t have to give anything to be there for someone. Whoever wants to hold on to what they have reached practices staying with themselves even close to another person. And whoever wants to develop further and perhaps one day work with others practices the foundation for it here. Why nothing is transferred in the process is described under Three ways of helping with energy.
Questions that come up often
- Do I have to do anything when I’m lying down?
- No. You may simply lie there and be with yourself. If you like, you pay attention to whether the other person is giving energy. And if you don’t feel comfortable, you say stop.
- Do I take something on from the other person?
- If you stay with yourself and don’t want to give anything, an encounter arises, not a transfer. How you notice that you are crossing your limit is described under How you recognize your own limit.
- What if I don’t want to be touched?
- Then you sit off to the side. Nobody has to take part, and nobody takes it personally.
- I didn’t sense anything. Did I do it wrong?
- No. What you sense says little about what is happening. It’s about practicing, not about sensing. More under When you don’t perceive anything.
- Why should my focus be on myself and not on the other person?
- Because that is the only way you stay with yourself. Whoever directs themselves entirely toward the other person loses themselves and starts wanting to do something.