Start · Understanding the session
How I tell you what I see
Please note: personal sessions, in person, by phone and by video (Zoom), are held in German only.
I never tell you everything I see in your field at once. I choose what you can take in and use right now, and while I speak I watch how it lands with you.
Understanding the session · how I tell you
What I see in your field is much more than what I tell you. From it, I choose what you can take in and use right now.
This is not secrecy and not a lie. It is a question of how much at once is good, and in what order.
Why I don’t simply tell you everything
I often hear this question: “Do you tell me everything you see?” No. Before I say something, I think about how it will land with you.
Rico’s words
For me it is simply important to say that when you give someone a consultation, then before you say something you sense, you should think about it: How will this land with this person? And that is why you always have to look at how much truth a person can bear.
Rico Brunner, workshop
The full truth all at once has nothing to do with lying. But it can be too much. And a piece of information only helps you if you can take it in. If you are already at your limit, it does little good to be told that on top of everything.
Rico’s words
So if I am overwhelmed right now, it does me no good if I know, or if someone else tells me, that I am overwhelmed. That can trigger a great deal of overwhelm in someone.
Rico Brunner, workshop
What I see and what I say
For what I see and what I say of it, I like to use the image of an iceberg. The largest part lies below the waterline.
Rico’s words
Of what I see, only a fraction is communicated.
Rico Brunner, workshop
Which pieces come above the line depends on you. A two-year-old asking about Santa Claus gets a different answer from me than a fourteen-year-old. Both answers are honest. I look at where the other person stands.
How I go about it
- I seeIn the field I see many things at once, including things you haven’t asked about.
- I chooseI consider which of it helps you move on now and which would only weigh on you.
- I start gentlyIf I am unsure how you will take something, I start with a gentle version.
- I watchWhile I speak, I observe how it lands with you, in the field as well.
- I stopIf it gets too much, I stop telling. If you ask, we go on.
I once described the fourth and fifth steps like this:
Rico’s words
and what I do while I am telling things is, I always watch: what is the reaction? Can he handle it well or is he getting overwhelmed? And if he gets overwhelmed, then I stop telling.
Rico Brunner, workshop
When in doubt, I would rather say too little than too much. What was too little, I can make up for later. What was too much, I can’t.
Rico’s words
Because the spoken word cannot be taken back.
Rico Brunner, workshop
How I learned this
I wasn’t able to do this from the start. At the beginning, I said too much.
Rico’s words
When I started out, I sometimes overwhelmed clients with information. In hindsight, it was of no real use.
Rico Brunner, workshop
That is why I began early on to take every session apart for myself. Did I do it well? Did I understand what was going on? If yes, why? If no, why not? I have always been good at speaking. But it took seven to ten years until I could put things in sessions the way I do today. Not because it was bad before, but because I kept thinking more and more carefully about what I say.
Not pulling the ground away
What use is information that leaves you not knowing where to go next? Little. I don’t want to put you in a dead end or pull the ground out from under your feet. That is why, when I raise something difficult, I also show you the paths and perspectives I see for it. Which of them you take is up to you.
Your standard, not mine
With me, there is no off-the-rack advice. What is right for one person can be wrong for the next.
Rico’s words
But I give opposite advice all day long, because every person is different.
Rico Brunner, workshop
Whose values apply when I advise you, mine or yours? For me, the answer is clear.
Rico’s words
In my view, the standards of the other person apply.
Rico Brunner, workshop
Otherwise I would be judging, and I could only advise people who are like me. That is why, when I notice that I am giving you advice I would follow myself, I check it a second time. My aim is to accompany you on your path, not to bring you onto mine.
When the question doesn’t fit
Sometimes I don’t answer a question the way you asked it. That is not an evasion.
Rico’s words
And when I answer questions in the session, I often have to say I can’t answer the question, because it is asked the wrong way. If you ask the question the wrong way, you get wrong answers.
Rico Brunner, workshop
Often, behind a question like that, there is a wish to control something that cannot be controlled. Then I answer what you mean, or we look together for the question that fits your situation. Whether you have understood what I say, by the way, I see in the field.
The same care in every situation
If you are going through a hard phase, I say less and pay even closer attention to what you can carry right now. If you want to hold on to what you have built, it is often about a few clear points that you can check against your everyday life. And if you want to develop further, the conversation can sometimes take more. Then ask if you want to know more. A person can stand in different places in different areas of their life, and I look afresh every time.
Questions that come up often
- Do you tell me everything you see?
- No. I tell you what you can take in and use right now. The rest I leave below the waterline.
- So are you keeping something important from me?
- I choose what to say and choose the moment. I don’t tell you anything false. If you ask, I tell you more when I see that you can take it in.
- Can I handle it if you tell me what is going on?
- That is exactly what I pay attention to, before and while I speak. If it gets too much, I stop.
- Why does my friend get completely different advice from me?
- Because her field is a different one, and because for each of you, your own standard applies.
- Why don’t you answer my question directly?
- Sometimes a question leads in a direction where any answer would be wrong. Then we first look for the right question.
Where to go next
How a session works from beginning to end is described under How a session works. What the session is not and where it reaches its limit is described under What the session is not.