Learning to Perceive · What you learn
When to say what you perceive
Please note: the workshops are currently held in German only. I plan to offer workshops in English at a later date. If you would like to learn this and organize a workshop in English yourself, you are welcome to send an inquiry to [email protected].
You don’t have to say right away what you perceive. And when you do say it, say as much as helps the other person move forward. Staying silent, sharing and measuring it out, in the workshop and afterwards.
Learning to Perceive · with others
You don’t have to say right away what you perceive. And when you do say it, say as much as the other person can take in.
In the workshop there are three phases for this. On the first day you stay silent, on the second you share, and for every conversation afterwards the rule is: measure it out.
Why on the first day you keep what you perceive to yourself
In the exercises in pairs, you write down what you perceive in the other person. On the first day you may not tell them. In this phase it is only about your perception, not about advising the other person.
That feels unusual. Many people want to tell right away what they have seen. Bearing that is part of what you learn here. I once said in a talk: silence is golden.
Rico’s words
That means the less you tell of what you’ve seen, the more overview you have. The more you tell, the more it triggers overwhelm, in yourself and also in the other person.
Rico Brunner
What comes back on the second day
On the second day we go through an energy field from top to bottom and ask three questions about it. Now the others may tell the person what they perceived on these three points. Then we hear what that person says about it. What the three questions are is explained under What is practiced in the workshop.
How much truth a person can carry
I close the workshop with this question. It applies to every conversation in which you say something of what you perceive.
Of what I see in a field, I say only a fraction. The full truth all at once has nothing to do with lying. But it can overwhelm, and then it is of no use to anyone. That’s why I ask myself beforehand: which information helps this person move forward? And how will it land with them?
A two-year-old who asks about Santa Claus gets a different answer from a fourteen-year-old. Both answers are honest. They fit where the child is right now.
Watching while you speak
I don’t only choose beforehand what I say. I also watch while I’m speaking.
Rico’s words
While I’m telling things, I always watch: what is the reaction? Can he deal with it well, or is he getting overwhelmed? And if he gets overwhelmed, I stop telling.
Rico Brunner, workshop
If I’m unsure how someone will take something, I start with a gentle version. If they ask further, we go on.
Rather too little than too much
What was too little, you can make up for. What was too much, you can’t. The spoken word can’t be taken back. And if you don’t yet know at all what you are perceiving, a simple rule applies:
Rico’s words
If you don’t know it yet, then don’t do anything yet.
Rico Brunner, workshop
When you are unsure, it’s better to hold back and keep observing. In my experience, those who hold back and observe get further.
Whose measure counts
What is right for one person can be wrong for the next. All day long I give advice that contradicts itself, because every person is different.
Rico’s words
In my view, the other person’s standards apply. Because otherwise you’re caught up in condemning and in judging. And then you can only advise people who are the same as you are.
Rico Brunner, workshop
If you notice that you are giving someone advice you would follow yourself, check it a second time. More on this under Why even good perception can be wrong.
How I learned this myself
I couldn’t do this from the start. At the beginning I overwhelmed the people who came to me with information. Looking back, that didn’t help anyone. That’s why I started early on to take every session apart for myself. Did I understand what was going on? Did I say it well? If not, why not? It took seven to ten years until I could put things the way I do today. You don’t have to walk this path for as long. It only shows how much lies in the question of what you say and what you don’t.
Wherever you stand right now
If you are in a hard time right now, you may know how much a single sentence can set off. If you want to keep what you have found for yourself, you take away a rule for everyday life: look first, then speak. And if you want to develop further and perhaps one day work with others, you need this care in every conversation. A person can stand in different places in the family, in a relationship and at work, and each time the question arises anew.
Questions that come up often
- Should I tell someone what I perceive in them?
- Not unasked, and not everything. First ask yourself whether it helps them move forward and whether they can take it in right now. While you are telling them, you watch how they react.
- Isn’t it dishonest to keep something back?
- No. The full truth all at once has nothing to do with lying, but it can overwhelm. You aren’t saying anything false. You choose what to say and when.
- Why am I not allowed to say anything on the first day?
- Because that day is only about your perception. Bearing it is part of learning, and the less you tell, the more overview you keep.
- What if I’m unsure whether I perceived correctly?
- Then it’s better to say nothing and keep observing. What you don’t know yet, you don’t have to share either.
- And if the other person has completely different values from mine?
- Then theirs apply. Otherwise you are judging, and your advice only fits people who are like you.
Back to the overview of the workshop under The “Learning to Perceive” workshop.